Consistency is overrated

Wait... it's not Wednesday?!

Why is consistency so hard?

It’s Friday. For the last 18 months, I’ve sent this email every single Wednesday morning (bar Christmas and our wedding). The pressure of the self-set deadline is what keeps me going, even when writer’s block hits. There is also a voice in my head reminding me that more people unsubscribe when I miss a week, or even if I send the weekly email an hour or two late. I have no idea why, but clearly, people love consistency.

And this week, I dropped the ball.

On Tuesday night, my usual newsletter writing time, I can home from dropping Craig off at the metro (via the chip shop) to find a little puddle of wee on my brand new carpet. Harmony, our youngest rescue greyhound, is 99% toilet trained but sometimes that 1% hits, particularly if there’s a change in her routine. So, I cleaned it up and sat down to eat my chips, sharing the scraps with Potter since, as far as I knew, he was a good boy.

Then, I thought I’d have a look on the app linked to our living room camera to see what time she did the deed. And that’s when I realised Harmony was, in fact, completely innocent. It was Potter who relieved himself on my carpet. He’s never done that before. Everything I thought I knew was wrong.

So, I ventured upstairs to apologise to Harmony and give her a chip. Instead, I was greeted by wrapping paper and foil… someone had unwrapped a present, found a bar of dark chocolate and snaffled the whole thing, even most of the packaging. It’s worth mentioning that the evidence was in Harmony’s bed, and she was avoiding eye contact. Guilty.

I rang the vet, and they calculated that based on her weight and the amount of chocolate she had eaten, she had consumed 3x the toxic amount. So, I hopped in the car and drove her to the vet hospital. They said they needed to make her sick ASAP, and they sent me and Potter home. Within an hour, I received a phone call from the vet. There was no chocolate in Harmony’s vomit. I’d done it again. I blamed her for something she didn’t do.

Off I went back to the vet hospital with Potter in tow, now realising he had been caught red-pawed for both the sneaky wee and chocolate-gate. Upon stepping into the vet hospital, he began trembling. This time, I waited in the car (realising I wouldn’t have time for a newsletter and should probably stop writing them the night before). The nurse came to collect me and confirmed that Potter did, indeed, eat the chocolate.

You think you know someone, and then they piss on your carpet and eat your chocolate.

So, in conclusion, it’s hard to be consistent. Just as you think you can count on someone, they send a newsletter on a Friday instead of a Wednesday, or they tinkle on your brand new carpet.

I’ll be back next Wednesday at the usual time. So, until then, don’t worry about being consistent - take each day at a time.

📚 Sorrow and Bliss by Meg Mason

📺 Dave (BBC iPlayer)

📺 The Outlaws (BBC iPlayer)

📺 Stath Lets Flats (S3 on All4)

Enjoyed this? You might like these past issues:

27 October: Winter is coming whether you like it or not

20 October: I got sick

13 October: This girl is me

6 October: Everything is awful… or is it?

29 September: That’s dope

22 September: Have a word with yourself

15 September: Running changed my life

8 September: Okay, boomer

25 August: Bridezilla returns

18 August: Find your zen

10 August: The fear factor