It's time to run really far again
Learning to accept the limits of my body, and surpassing those of my mind.
Now, I’m not on TikTok, but I did see this really funny skit from a lass called Roisin about the unfortunate power that exercise can have on your mental health.
Roisin is speaking to my soul here as I have seen my mental health improve leaps and bounds since making running a more regular part of my routine in recent months.
As I write this, I’m recovering from my second Great North Run. I had trained quite solidly for the last couple after struggling my way through the Great North 10K back in July.
I have discussed my relatively new relationship with exercise in a past edition of this newsletter. But I can safely say that returning to exercise after giving birth to a baby is a whole new ball game.
Back in school, I was really rather bad at PE. I was generally last to be picked for team, or I would hide in the corner and hope no one would dare to pass me the ball. To be honest, it took me until my mid-late twenties to even consider regular exercise again because the trauma of those formative years really did run deep.
I also spent my late teens and early twenties in a near-constant state of panic as I suffered from a life-limiting anxiety disorder that knocked all of the energy out of me, every single day.
So, by the time I decided I wanted to get fitter, I had no idea where to start. Thankfully, the Couch to 5K app had my back, and off I went with absolute determination to run for 30 minutes without stopping (a much harder feat than I realised at first!)
I have to say, that first full 5K (which took around 40 minutes) was one of the best moments of my life!
When I got pregnant in 2021, I was the fittest I had ever been. I had just completed my first Great North Run, and I was celebrating my first sub-30 min 5k. Then, boom. I was stunned.
Even after the first-trimester sickness wore off, I was unable to do anywhere near as much running as I was used to. I would take to the treadmill for 2km but hop off absolutely exhausted, reassuring myself that I was growing a baby and I would be “back to normal” soon.
Reader: She was wrong.
I may never be back to normal.
And I am only just starting to come to the realisation that this is… okay, I guess?
I can’t sit here and write an inspirational piece about how I am comfortable with new my body and everything it now does a little differently. I have a pinchy hip. I constantly get stitches. My feet are a different size, for heaven’s sake.
So, my body is weaker than it was before…
But my mind is much, much stronger.
When I used to flag on a run, I would remind myself of some of the key learnings I picked up from the C25K programme. One of my favourite mantras was that your mind will want to give up waaaay before your body needs to.
And, I tell you what. That couldn’t have been more true than it was in childbirth.
While my body might never feel like my own again, I can now proudly say that it has achieved incredible things. I grew a baby… with teeth, eyeballs, hair and fingernails! And I went through a very long and traumatic labour to bring her safely into this world. And I’ve fed her with my body for over a year.
A pesky run isn’t going to stop me. No way.
So, I took this mantra into last Sunday’s half marathon, which took me just under 3 hours to complete… no small feat given the 1 hour 10 waiting to start on the tarmac in the 25-degree sunshine. I won’t even begin to explain the horrors of that downpour that caught me over the finish line…
I am proud to say I doubled my fundraising target for Pancreatic Cancer UK, too!
So, this weekend’s run has affirmed the lessons I already know about the power of exercise on my mental health. Moving my body regularly has done so much more than improve my general fitness (although that’s nice, too!) It gives me something to work towards. An escape from my plethora of responsibilities as a parent and freelancer.
It’s a time when I can just be.
The old adage “put one foot in front of the other” is both literal and figurative in these moments. Every step is one closer to the goal, and every run is a new journey to enjoy.
So, now I am no longer training for GNR (until next year, anyway), I can go back to running for no reason at all. And, for me, that’s the best reason.
Did anyone else do the run on Sunday? Or want to make a commitment to move your body more? Let me know by replying to this email!
That’s all from me,
See you next week (hopefully)
Ellen x
I seriously need to get into the gym or something again because, you’re so right... it makes such a difference mentally! Once Elliot is settled into nursery and we have more of a set routine in that respect, I’m going to prioritise fitness again!
Well done for Sunday, you’ve smashed it. And your body is a wonderful, powerful force that has given you so much, so it’s nice to see that acknowledgement 🥰 I have a whole new level of respect and gratitude for mine these days!