Thanks for being so real. I feel the same way when people talk about my daughter's hearing loss is a positive. Obviously I hype up how it makes her special and unique, but I won't gaslight her into thinking it's a cause for massive celebration when the reality is she lives with the pain of regular infections, has had the trauma of two surgeries and has the stigma and maintenance of a hearing aid to contend with. It's so vital to acknowledge that it makes life more difficult, and not slather it in faux glory.
Yes! Thanks for commenting, Mel. I was thinking about this when Tasha was on Love Island a few years ago and how it was awesome to see deaf representation but she also kept calling her deafness her "superpower" and, although that might work for her, I think it's hard for people watching who likely don't feel that way *at all* and it potentially takes away from the real struggles people living with disabilities can have.
while I can get the reality of disabilities down to the nitty gritty details.....we all carry something like that...............I also get that the superpower thang is a way to reframe a condition for people, to find a positive within it to maybe propel them into a space not limited by it..................The other side I seem to hear coming thru is like swimming in the reality of limitations around a disability and that being where we leave it. (To balance the perspective living in the real world) While I detest the trite superpower rhetoric that might be out there...........it is an attempt to reframe for maybe those who have and thems that don't. I am a 67 ADHD person, and I am happy with the superpower thing, because for me it is. I am different. But then so are we all, and maybe thats the superpower, seeing whatever difference we have be it deafness, adhd or cerebral palsy.............as differences. Yes its a whole spectrum..............and the pendulum will swing with perspectives on superpower and reality, and I would imagine lives will be lived where personal pendulums end up living. In my life as an educator I have worked with many people with different disabilities, it has been a life changing experience.
This is such a great insightful and honest piece. A few of my close friends have been diagnosed in recent years and I’ve learned so much from hearing about what they went through. I think it’s so important to understand what ADHD really looks like and the ways it creates so many daily struggles. I’d agree that the icky sentiment of it’s a ‘superpower’ is inaccurate at best, and ableist at worst. I think access to information and diagnosis is a really wonderful thing but as you say, it comes with a huge caveat in a world where misinformation is rife and diagnosis still comes with so much stigma.
Thank you for sharing your experience - diagnosis is definitely not the end of the ‘journey’!
I haven’t read anything that so accurately put a finger on why calling neurodivergence/disability/etc a superpower feels so damn icky. It *does* feel ableist and flattening and just another way to say “you’re not like the rest of us. We are human and you are other.”
I don’t want a superpower. Superheroes live on the outskirts of humanity. They are allowed in when convenient to the majority, to use their superpower to their benefit, but they cannot live their day-to-day lives amongst them. They are constantly reminded that the world was not built for them, they are too strong, too big, too weird.. they’re a *spectacle*.
I don’t want to be a spectacle, don’t want to stand alone in an ocean of people, be held at arms length. I want *belonging* and compassion and empathy.
I was diagnosed with ADHD earlier this year, and was prescribed medication which I started almost immediately. Foolishly, I thought this would be enough to help me unpack years of learned behaviours, hangups and anxieties. Undiagnosed ADHD has such an overwhelming and pervasive effect on your self image, and when you don't address those underlying issues, the side effects of the medication can have a really detrimental effect on your mental and physical health.
Thanks for sharing Craig. I see a lot of my own experience in this post, and I empathise with you and Ellen. I understand that guilty feeling you have when you think you aren't pulling your weight, but my partner is so great at keeping me on the straight and narrow without judgement. It's something that takes constant work from both of us, but I know the process makes us a stronger unit. I'm sure it's the same for you and Ellen.
Yes! The post-diagnosis reckoning!! I knew to expect it from all the reading I had done on others experiences with late-diagnosis but I don’t know that really anything can adequately prepare you for it. There’s just... SO much to unpack, so many layers to peel back.
My husband has undiagnosed ADHD and it just feels good to know that my frustrations are valid. Before we started suspecting he had ADHD, it felt a lot like Craig said, like he didn’t care or didn’t want to try even though I knew he did care about things. I’d really love to hear more about how you both make it work. Understanding ADHD has helped me be more patient but also know when to insist and not “pick up the slack” especially because I have my own mental health challenges as well. All to say, I really appreciate your perspective, Craig. We’re all doing the best we can! ❤️
It's such a particular struggle, isn't it? Because even though I know that ADHD affects all of these things, it doesn't take away from the inconvenience or difficulties that I face befau of those things. For example, delayed sleep cycle is one of Craig's biggest issues but we also have a baby so that means we have to work around her sleep habits and often getting out of bed is virtually impossible for Craig.
Like you, I've definitely spent a lot of time reading about it and learning how it actually works, I'm basically an expert now 😂
Omg yes the getting out of bed! I’m a morning person and even on vacation it’s such a struggle for my husband 😂 I’ve given up on morning activities. And yes, I am a burgeoning expert myself now 😂
As someone that has ADHD I love that you are learning the distinction between when to insist and when to be patient. I can imagine that is not easy to navigate or always received amicably by your partner lol but IMO it’s the most respectful and helpful approach you could take as a partner and the type of support I would love to have from my own support network (including myself!!)
Thanks for writing this, Craig. It was such a refreshingly honest & insightful read.
A few years ago, some of my closest friends got diagnosed with ADHD and the sheer relief they've experienced from understanding themselves better has been immense. The people around them (like me) have been able to better understand them too, and that's made a huge difference as well.
You're absolutely right that ADHD has sort-of become a trend. Along with everything you mentioned, I think it's also something to do with our current society's idiotic pressure on total productivity (which neurotypicals also struggle to achieve, let alone neurodivergent folks working with a system not designed for them).
This is a wonderful read, thanks so much. My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD earlier this year, 12 years after I spoke to CAMHS about seeking an assessment, which was dismissed. She has had the toughest time throughout her teenage years, with crippling mental health issues and I'm so proud that she is now very close to completing her degree. She lives with me again now and she can be very chaotic, as well as easily overwhelmed - so it's certainly not a super power.
Not even with moments of superpower Janine? For her to be completing what she is near finishing, with your love and support and her working against the cards stacked against her that supposed 'normal' people don't encounter....isn't that a superpower, surely it is.
I'm incredibly proud of her because she has grit and determination but I also see how much she struggles, how vulnerable she can be and how lost she is. It has been a very tough few years for her and for us as her family but we are very close and we'll help her get to a stronger place.
no human is an island ....so true. And it takes a village...... Beautiful words you write Janine and your daughter is in a good place and surrounded by love and understanding....were that so for all neurodiverse it would be a better world.
I feel this hard, I have many adhd traits in there alongside my autism. He’s being very honest and realistic about how a neurodivergent condition affects a person and I admire him all the more for it.
I would be interested in your take around the 'superpower' thing. Does that work in any way for you realistically? And not like Wonder Woman or a Marvel hero, but juts you realising that you will think and see differently because of who you are.
If so society is driven by the so called 'normals', (and we know everyones neurodiverse even if they don't)...........here's the thought, why is society, aka the world such a mess. And yet we find much art and beauty created by 'the neurodiverse' that adds different and perceptive brush strokes to existence. Would value and be interested in your thoughts.
It’s taken me years to come to terms with being able to refer to my autism as a disability - because that’s what it is. It’s not a superpower. You can say it gives you superpowers or that it makes you feel like you have them, but to refer to it as a superpower does a disservice to the thousands of people who struggle with it everyday.
And if it is a superpower why is the suicide rate so high? (It’s probably the same for adhd). Neurodivergent struggles are largely due to other people’s lack of understanding and motivation to make small adjustments that would make our lives easier, that and being subjected to bullying and harassment. Ableism is a big issue because we have (both adhd and autism) hidden disabilities.
Being artistic and creative or tech savvy makes us useful to society, but for autistic people, social ineptitude can often take some of that away from us because people see the bad rather than the good. Basically, we annoy and irritate people. We have a what’s known as a ”spiky skillset”- we do amazing things but we can’t change a duvet cover or tie our shoelaces.
You’ve said it already, but everyone is neurodiverse to a certain degree. I also believe that in another 10 years or so, they’ll find that neurodiversity is the majority and not the minority.
We do have an awful lot to contribute. Although I’d argue that I’m of average intelligence and don’t believe I have any particular talent for anything. I also thing that it’s often important to say that because people have the misguided notion that we’re all idiot savants and we’re not.
Anyway, a much longer answer than I originally planned. Thanks for posing such interesting questions.
Thank you for engaging. Such a perceptive answer. Education is ......well those up with the play at least now do as you say see neurodiverse as the norm, at least here in NZ. Maybe this has always been there, but we are more aware now. If classrooms or education is geared for diversity and inclusion........it seems silly to say......it's better for everyone. How obvious.
Appreciate your honesty and thoughts........namaste .
I so, so, sooo relate to not knowing how much or how little to include in one piece when you feel you could write a whole book on it 😆 I think you’ve done a great job capturing a lot of the nuance of the ADHD experience in one piece.
I was also late-diagnosed, and wouldn’t have this diagnosis, or understanding of myself, if it weren’t for the ADHD content trend. ADHD Alien and How To ADHD are two accounts that have been honestly life-changing resources for me. But on the other hand, like anything social media gloms onto, it’s become a “trend” and therefore unserious, a fad, a joke.
I first began to suspect ADHD in 2018 and was diagnosed in 2021. If I were first introduced to the idea that I might have ADHD in todays culture/climate, I don’t know that I would have given it even a second of consideration. I honestly prob would just roll my eyes and think “yeah, who doesn’t?”. IDK maybe not, whose to say? I do know, however, I have several friends that have complete validity behind wondering if they should talk about their “symptoms” (I hate calling it that... but don’t know a better word) and if it’s possibly ADHD... but they don’t because they feel like everyone has ADHD all of a sudden and maybe their just following the bandwagon so to speak.
Anyways, thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience! And for opening a space for such great thoughts and convo here in the comments
Thanks for sharing so openly and honestly, Craig. I totally agree with you about the over-saturation of all things ADHD online - it's very easy to slip into the habit of comparing yourself to a list of "traits" and then worrying when you seem to tick a lot of these characteristics. I've been guilty of it in the past when postnatal anxiety bit me hard and I went looking for answers - needless to say, some heavy perspective was required. I'm glad you've found pockets of the internet that have supported you, and wish you the best with the medication issue... I imagine the uncertainty is pretty anxiety-inducing and I think it's disgusting how so many people have been treated during this shortage.
I’m curious, are you saying that you were thinking your post-natal anxiety symptoms were due to ADHD instead? And if so how did you end up navigating through that to realizing and getting support for post-natal anxiety? Was there anything in particular that helped you gain the perspective you needed?
Not exactly. I was massively caught off guard by the whole postnatal experience and questioned why I found it so difficult, looking for potential answers/diagnosis wherever I could find it. ADHD was just one of a plethora of potential "reasons" as to why I was struggling. Ultimately, though, I just had PND/PNA and once I'd accepted that, it was much easier to navigate, with the right support and the love and help of my family. Still a WIP, but much, much better.
Thanks for being so real. I feel the same way when people talk about my daughter's hearing loss is a positive. Obviously I hype up how it makes her special and unique, but I won't gaslight her into thinking it's a cause for massive celebration when the reality is she lives with the pain of regular infections, has had the trauma of two surgeries and has the stigma and maintenance of a hearing aid to contend with. It's so vital to acknowledge that it makes life more difficult, and not slather it in faux glory.
Yes! Thanks for commenting, Mel. I was thinking about this when Tasha was on Love Island a few years ago and how it was awesome to see deaf representation but she also kept calling her deafness her "superpower" and, although that might work for her, I think it's hard for people watching who likely don't feel that way *at all* and it potentially takes away from the real struggles people living with disabilities can have.
while I can get the reality of disabilities down to the nitty gritty details.....we all carry something like that...............I also get that the superpower thang is a way to reframe a condition for people, to find a positive within it to maybe propel them into a space not limited by it..................The other side I seem to hear coming thru is like swimming in the reality of limitations around a disability and that being where we leave it. (To balance the perspective living in the real world) While I detest the trite superpower rhetoric that might be out there...........it is an attempt to reframe for maybe those who have and thems that don't. I am a 67 ADHD person, and I am happy with the superpower thing, because for me it is. I am different. But then so are we all, and maybe thats the superpower, seeing whatever difference we have be it deafness, adhd or cerebral palsy.............as differences. Yes its a whole spectrum..............and the pendulum will swing with perspectives on superpower and reality, and I would imagine lives will be lived where personal pendulums end up living. In my life as an educator I have worked with many people with different disabilities, it has been a life changing experience.
This is such a great insightful and honest piece. A few of my close friends have been diagnosed in recent years and I’ve learned so much from hearing about what they went through. I think it’s so important to understand what ADHD really looks like and the ways it creates so many daily struggles. I’d agree that the icky sentiment of it’s a ‘superpower’ is inaccurate at best, and ableist at worst. I think access to information and diagnosis is a really wonderful thing but as you say, it comes with a huge caveat in a world where misinformation is rife and diagnosis still comes with so much stigma.
Thank you for sharing your experience - diagnosis is definitely not the end of the ‘journey’!
I haven’t read anything that so accurately put a finger on why calling neurodivergence/disability/etc a superpower feels so damn icky. It *does* feel ableist and flattening and just another way to say “you’re not like the rest of us. We are human and you are other.”
I don’t want a superpower. Superheroes live on the outskirts of humanity. They are allowed in when convenient to the majority, to use their superpower to their benefit, but they cannot live their day-to-day lives amongst them. They are constantly reminded that the world was not built for them, they are too strong, too big, too weird.. they’re a *spectacle*.
I don’t want to be a spectacle, don’t want to stand alone in an ocean of people, be held at arms length. I want *belonging* and compassion and empathy.
I was diagnosed with ADHD earlier this year, and was prescribed medication which I started almost immediately. Foolishly, I thought this would be enough to help me unpack years of learned behaviours, hangups and anxieties. Undiagnosed ADHD has such an overwhelming and pervasive effect on your self image, and when you don't address those underlying issues, the side effects of the medication can have a really detrimental effect on your mental and physical health.
Thanks for sharing Craig. I see a lot of my own experience in this post, and I empathise with you and Ellen. I understand that guilty feeling you have when you think you aren't pulling your weight, but my partner is so great at keeping me on the straight and narrow without judgement. It's something that takes constant work from both of us, but I know the process makes us a stronger unit. I'm sure it's the same for you and Ellen.
Yes! The post-diagnosis reckoning!! I knew to expect it from all the reading I had done on others experiences with late-diagnosis but I don’t know that really anything can adequately prepare you for it. There’s just... SO much to unpack, so many layers to peel back.
My husband has undiagnosed ADHD and it just feels good to know that my frustrations are valid. Before we started suspecting he had ADHD, it felt a lot like Craig said, like he didn’t care or didn’t want to try even though I knew he did care about things. I’d really love to hear more about how you both make it work. Understanding ADHD has helped me be more patient but also know when to insist and not “pick up the slack” especially because I have my own mental health challenges as well. All to say, I really appreciate your perspective, Craig. We’re all doing the best we can! ❤️
It's such a particular struggle, isn't it? Because even though I know that ADHD affects all of these things, it doesn't take away from the inconvenience or difficulties that I face befau of those things. For example, delayed sleep cycle is one of Craig's biggest issues but we also have a baby so that means we have to work around her sleep habits and often getting out of bed is virtually impossible for Craig.
Like you, I've definitely spent a lot of time reading about it and learning how it actually works, I'm basically an expert now 😂
Omg yes the getting out of bed! I’m a morning person and even on vacation it’s such a struggle for my husband 😂 I’ve given up on morning activities. And yes, I am a burgeoning expert myself now 😂
As someone that has ADHD I love that you are learning the distinction between when to insist and when to be patient. I can imagine that is not easy to navigate or always received amicably by your partner lol but IMO it’s the most respectful and helpful approach you could take as a partner and the type of support I would love to have from my own support network (including myself!!)
LOL it’s never initially well received 🤭 but what to do? Thank you for the validation.
Thanks for writing this, Craig. It was such a refreshingly honest & insightful read.
A few years ago, some of my closest friends got diagnosed with ADHD and the sheer relief they've experienced from understanding themselves better has been immense. The people around them (like me) have been able to better understand them too, and that's made a huge difference as well.
You're absolutely right that ADHD has sort-of become a trend. Along with everything you mentioned, I think it's also something to do with our current society's idiotic pressure on total productivity (which neurotypicals also struggle to achieve, let alone neurodivergent folks working with a system not designed for them).
This is a wonderful read, thanks so much. My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD earlier this year, 12 years after I spoke to CAMHS about seeking an assessment, which was dismissed. She has had the toughest time throughout her teenage years, with crippling mental health issues and I'm so proud that she is now very close to completing her degree. She lives with me again now and she can be very chaotic, as well as easily overwhelmed - so it's certainly not a super power.
Not even with moments of superpower Janine? For her to be completing what she is near finishing, with your love and support and her working against the cards stacked against her that supposed 'normal' people don't encounter....isn't that a superpower, surely it is.
I'm incredibly proud of her because she has grit and determination but I also see how much she struggles, how vulnerable she can be and how lost she is. It has been a very tough few years for her and for us as her family but we are very close and we'll help her get to a stronger place.
no human is an island ....so true. And it takes a village...... Beautiful words you write Janine and your daughter is in a good place and surrounded by love and understanding....were that so for all neurodiverse it would be a better world.
I feel this hard, I have many adhd traits in there alongside my autism. He’s being very honest and realistic about how a neurodivergent condition affects a person and I admire him all the more for it.
I would be interested in your take around the 'superpower' thing. Does that work in any way for you realistically? And not like Wonder Woman or a Marvel hero, but juts you realising that you will think and see differently because of who you are.
If so society is driven by the so called 'normals', (and we know everyones neurodiverse even if they don't)...........here's the thought, why is society, aka the world such a mess. And yet we find much art and beauty created by 'the neurodiverse' that adds different and perceptive brush strokes to existence. Would value and be interested in your thoughts.
It’s taken me years to come to terms with being able to refer to my autism as a disability - because that’s what it is. It’s not a superpower. You can say it gives you superpowers or that it makes you feel like you have them, but to refer to it as a superpower does a disservice to the thousands of people who struggle with it everyday.
And if it is a superpower why is the suicide rate so high? (It’s probably the same for adhd). Neurodivergent struggles are largely due to other people’s lack of understanding and motivation to make small adjustments that would make our lives easier, that and being subjected to bullying and harassment. Ableism is a big issue because we have (both adhd and autism) hidden disabilities.
Being artistic and creative or tech savvy makes us useful to society, but for autistic people, social ineptitude can often take some of that away from us because people see the bad rather than the good. Basically, we annoy and irritate people. We have a what’s known as a ”spiky skillset”- we do amazing things but we can’t change a duvet cover or tie our shoelaces.
You’ve said it already, but everyone is neurodiverse to a certain degree. I also believe that in another 10 years or so, they’ll find that neurodiversity is the majority and not the minority.
We do have an awful lot to contribute. Although I’d argue that I’m of average intelligence and don’t believe I have any particular talent for anything. I also thing that it’s often important to say that because people have the misguided notion that we’re all idiot savants and we’re not.
Anyway, a much longer answer than I originally planned. Thanks for posing such interesting questions.
Thank you for engaging. Such a perceptive answer. Education is ......well those up with the play at least now do as you say see neurodiverse as the norm, at least here in NZ. Maybe this has always been there, but we are more aware now. If classrooms or education is geared for diversity and inclusion........it seems silly to say......it's better for everyone. How obvious.
Appreciate your honesty and thoughts........namaste .
I so, so, sooo relate to not knowing how much or how little to include in one piece when you feel you could write a whole book on it 😆 I think you’ve done a great job capturing a lot of the nuance of the ADHD experience in one piece.
I was also late-diagnosed, and wouldn’t have this diagnosis, or understanding of myself, if it weren’t for the ADHD content trend. ADHD Alien and How To ADHD are two accounts that have been honestly life-changing resources for me. But on the other hand, like anything social media gloms onto, it’s become a “trend” and therefore unserious, a fad, a joke.
I first began to suspect ADHD in 2018 and was diagnosed in 2021. If I were first introduced to the idea that I might have ADHD in todays culture/climate, I don’t know that I would have given it even a second of consideration. I honestly prob would just roll my eyes and think “yeah, who doesn’t?”. IDK maybe not, whose to say? I do know, however, I have several friends that have complete validity behind wondering if they should talk about their “symptoms” (I hate calling it that... but don’t know a better word) and if it’s possibly ADHD... but they don’t because they feel like everyone has ADHD all of a sudden and maybe their just following the bandwagon so to speak.
Anyways, thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience! And for opening a space for such great thoughts and convo here in the comments
Thanks for sharing so openly and honestly, Craig. I totally agree with you about the over-saturation of all things ADHD online - it's very easy to slip into the habit of comparing yourself to a list of "traits" and then worrying when you seem to tick a lot of these characteristics. I've been guilty of it in the past when postnatal anxiety bit me hard and I went looking for answers - needless to say, some heavy perspective was required. I'm glad you've found pockets of the internet that have supported you, and wish you the best with the medication issue... I imagine the uncertainty is pretty anxiety-inducing and I think it's disgusting how so many people have been treated during this shortage.
I’m curious, are you saying that you were thinking your post-natal anxiety symptoms were due to ADHD instead? And if so how did you end up navigating through that to realizing and getting support for post-natal anxiety? Was there anything in particular that helped you gain the perspective you needed?
Not exactly. I was massively caught off guard by the whole postnatal experience and questioned why I found it so difficult, looking for potential answers/diagnosis wherever I could find it. ADHD was just one of a plethora of potential "reasons" as to why I was struggling. Ultimately, though, I just had PND/PNA and once I'd accepted that, it was much easier to navigate, with the right support and the love and help of my family. Still a WIP, but much, much better.
Really refreshing to read this, thank you Craig 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻