As usual a beautiful portrayal of life as a thirty something parent in the 2020s. You've always made me proud, you all have. Watching the five of you walking, yes, walking up the street as I waited for your brother to get his a*** together for Paris was a blessing. Five years indeed. I no longer plan five days! It works for me, I only hope one day you can take your foot off the gas too.
You have my sincere condolences on your loss is a phrase I've heard funeral directors use many times when I've been an organist at many funerals over the years, as well as booking agent for organists and funeral director myself.
However the grieving process through losing close family (my parents are still alive thankfully), but as you know I did lose a spouse in mid-January 2022, which was hard as during pandemic restrictions the usual places to turn to for support when you lose a close family member weren't there.
She died in a hospital - due to pandemic restrictions the Bereavement Service at that hospital just gave me a leaflet rather than face to face. The same hospital moaned at me over the phone as next of kin that her body was taking up space in their mortuary, and that I should hurry up and get it moved for the funeral/cremation. Unfortunately I had no say over that as the death had been referred to the coroner (who had control of the body).
Even the cremation was delayed because the hospital (not following pandemic protocols) weren't willing to share the time of death/doctor who certified death either by email or by phone to the funeral director (who then had to visit the ward in person). And now that's the same NHS Foundation Trust I was elected for a 3 year term to be a governor at last year (starting in mid October 2023).
So yes, I know what grieving is like when the whole world has gone crazy and is just going to make things up and refuse to behave reasonably (or legally). My bereavement counsellor says I went through a complex bereavement (which was an understatement) - there was a very long wait for bereavement counselling - I finally got to the top of the queue 6 months after the death, but broke my arm so couldn't drive to the appointments in person (the person I had the appointment with couldn't do online appointments), so yes, a long journey regarding grieving.
It was made worse by the attitude of DWP regarding refusing bereavement support payments, DWP acknowledged she was dead, but said that her class 1A national insurance contributions she had weren't the class 1 NI or class 2 NI needed to grant bereavement support payment, DWP were also pretty unsympathetic in other ways too, as they often are regarding vulnerable claimants, for example wanting overpaid/underpaid Disability Living Allowance and state pension payments sorted (even though I wasn't at that time in charge of the estate - which didn't happen until around 2 months later due to the delayed certification of death due to the referral to the coroner and eventual (delayed) ruling that she died accidentally.
Letters like yours today are why I love Substack. Incredibly powerful and moving. Thank you for your vulnerability and openness - you've really invited me to think about so much. I'm thinking of you and your wonderful Mum and step Dad.
I couldn't read and not respond. Its been a year since my mum died getting ready for bed, it was the biggest shock of my life. A year to the day that she died, we accepted an offer on my parents house that they built and lived in for 50 plus years. Its where others will get to create their memories now. While the past year has a rollercoaster of emotions, I'm always surprised how life around me kept going. Bills needed paid, small human needed fed, car needed filled with fuel, people went out for lunch. My parents home was my anchor, I knew that if the sh*t hit the fan in my life that I could always go back there. Now that they are gone and the house is going, I went through a phase of feeling unanchored and not in the free feeling way. But now I want to create that anchor feeling for myself and my family, to be there safe space. I hear you on the no longer planning for 5 years, I have goals and ambitions but am also open to going with the flow. Our time and energy are our greatest assets. I miss the short check in phonecalls the most. Sending 💗
As usual a beautiful portrayal of life as a thirty something parent in the 2020s. You've always made me proud, you all have. Watching the five of you walking, yes, walking up the street as I waited for your brother to get his a*** together for Paris was a blessing. Five years indeed. I no longer plan five days! It works for me, I only hope one day you can take your foot off the gas too.
Love Dad xxx
You have my sincere condolences on your loss is a phrase I've heard funeral directors use many times when I've been an organist at many funerals over the years, as well as booking agent for organists and funeral director myself.
However the grieving process through losing close family (my parents are still alive thankfully), but as you know I did lose a spouse in mid-January 2022, which was hard as during pandemic restrictions the usual places to turn to for support when you lose a close family member weren't there.
She died in a hospital - due to pandemic restrictions the Bereavement Service at that hospital just gave me a leaflet rather than face to face. The same hospital moaned at me over the phone as next of kin that her body was taking up space in their mortuary, and that I should hurry up and get it moved for the funeral/cremation. Unfortunately I had no say over that as the death had been referred to the coroner (who had control of the body).
Even the cremation was delayed because the hospital (not following pandemic protocols) weren't willing to share the time of death/doctor who certified death either by email or by phone to the funeral director (who then had to visit the ward in person). And now that's the same NHS Foundation Trust I was elected for a 3 year term to be a governor at last year (starting in mid October 2023).
So yes, I know what grieving is like when the whole world has gone crazy and is just going to make things up and refuse to behave reasonably (or legally). My bereavement counsellor says I went through a complex bereavement (which was an understatement) - there was a very long wait for bereavement counselling - I finally got to the top of the queue 6 months after the death, but broke my arm so couldn't drive to the appointments in person (the person I had the appointment with couldn't do online appointments), so yes, a long journey regarding grieving.
It was made worse by the attitude of DWP regarding refusing bereavement support payments, DWP acknowledged she was dead, but said that her class 1A national insurance contributions she had weren't the class 1 NI or class 2 NI needed to grant bereavement support payment, DWP were also pretty unsympathetic in other ways too, as they often are regarding vulnerable claimants, for example wanting overpaid/underpaid Disability Living Allowance and state pension payments sorted (even though I wasn't at that time in charge of the estate - which didn't happen until around 2 months later due to the delayed certification of death due to the referral to the coroner and eventual (delayed) ruling that she died accidentally.
Anyway, back to work!
Letters like yours today are why I love Substack. Incredibly powerful and moving. Thank you for your vulnerability and openness - you've really invited me to think about so much. I'm thinking of you and your wonderful Mum and step Dad.
I couldn't read and not respond. Its been a year since my mum died getting ready for bed, it was the biggest shock of my life. A year to the day that she died, we accepted an offer on my parents house that they built and lived in for 50 plus years. Its where others will get to create their memories now. While the past year has a rollercoaster of emotions, I'm always surprised how life around me kept going. Bills needed paid, small human needed fed, car needed filled with fuel, people went out for lunch. My parents home was my anchor, I knew that if the sh*t hit the fan in my life that I could always go back there. Now that they are gone and the house is going, I went through a phase of feeling unanchored and not in the free feeling way. But now I want to create that anchor feeling for myself and my family, to be there safe space. I hear you on the no longer planning for 5 years, I have goals and ambitions but am also open to going with the flow. Our time and energy are our greatest assets. I miss the short check in phonecalls the most. Sending 💗