I can relate to so much of this post. My eldest is 10 now but I wish that book by Lucy Jones had been around in the early days of motherhood for me too. Reading it would have helped me feel less guilty and less alone.
It feels like only now the likes of Jones are getting through the 'noise' of motherhood. Emily Oster is another one who has been working for years to push data-driven information in front of 'culty' motherhood chatter, she cites peer-reviewed studies, etc. Social media has made motherhood look completely different to the reality, and this plays into the guilt and shame when we can't achieve the unrealistic (and untrue!) standards we see online.
This was a really interesting and eye opening read! I am actually working on a piece about the flip side (I.e not making the choice) and have concluded that women are on two sides of the same very ugly coin that is men telling women what to do, how to live, how to be - or not be - mothers! Thank you for sharing this - I fully support anyone’s refusal to feel bad about the way in which they parent because of some dude’s who themselves haven’t even lived the lifestyle they push for!
Ohh, I look forward to reading that! What an interesting parallel, it doesn't surprise me though - I have realised that women are never allowed to settle, even after one child, I am often asked about having another? It's like people can't perceive what else a woman would choose to do if it weren't for procreating or raising kids?
I love this piece (and loved Lucy Jones' book too). I'm fascinated by the way we're made to feel as though our needs should always be secondary to those of our children, with no regard or weight to *what* those needs are.
I can relate to so much of this post. My eldest is 10 now but I wish that book by Lucy Jones had been around in the early days of motherhood for me too. Reading it would have helped me feel less guilty and less alone.
It feels like only now the likes of Jones are getting through the 'noise' of motherhood. Emily Oster is another one who has been working for years to push data-driven information in front of 'culty' motherhood chatter, she cites peer-reviewed studies, etc. Social media has made motherhood look completely different to the reality, and this plays into the guilt and shame when we can't achieve the unrealistic (and untrue!) standards we see online.
This was a really interesting and eye opening read! I am actually working on a piece about the flip side (I.e not making the choice) and have concluded that women are on two sides of the same very ugly coin that is men telling women what to do, how to live, how to be - or not be - mothers! Thank you for sharing this - I fully support anyone’s refusal to feel bad about the way in which they parent because of some dude’s who themselves haven’t even lived the lifestyle they push for!
Ohh, I look forward to reading that! What an interesting parallel, it doesn't surprise me though - I have realised that women are never allowed to settle, even after one child, I am often asked about having another? It's like people can't perceive what else a woman would choose to do if it weren't for procreating or raising kids?
I love this piece (and loved Lucy Jones' book too). I'm fascinated by the way we're made to feel as though our needs should always be secondary to those of our children, with no regard or weight to *what* those needs are.