This is great as always - on male control freaks, I think they get called other (more complementary) things, as is often the way.
My dad had a similar reaction to your mum to his childhood trauma by the sounds of it - his parents split when he was little and he was moved from Kent to Aldershot to live with his mum and her family. They told him they were going on holiday for a visit, and never went back...which meant he always had a funny relationship with holidays, and would be rigidly in control of the itinerary whenever we went away. I think in case any of us decided we weren't coming back.
His mum went out to work and earn, and he was expected to keep the house tidy and cook the meals from the time he was 10 or 11, and that meant he was always quite methodical about all of that in our house growing up. He would never leave a job half done, even if that meant spending all weekend on it, or being up into the night. I think that was through memory of what it would be like if his mum got home and things weren't exactly right.
He was very much a habitual creature - same chair, same time with his newspaper, same cup of tea. Same weekend activities. And would get annoyed if forced to deviate too much.
His own breaking of the trauma was to not force any of that onto my brother and me...but the overall image wasn't a control freak (although the behaviour was probably the same), instead he was a leader at work, a problem solver, a nurturer.
Thanks for this comment, Arlen! I had a similar conversation with someone else after I sent it, and realised I didn't really fully cover the reality of male 'control freaks' but this all resonates true.
Interesting what you say about your dad and holidays, as my mam had a similar issue and it made holidays extremely stressful for all of us growing up. She was also moved about a lot as a childhood (through no fault of anyone's) and that definitely caused her to have a fear of instability.
Also, what is it about old men and their chairs?? They always have one and, god forbid, anyone else ever sits in it!
This is great as always - on male control freaks, I think they get called other (more complementary) things, as is often the way.
My dad had a similar reaction to your mum to his childhood trauma by the sounds of it - his parents split when he was little and he was moved from Kent to Aldershot to live with his mum and her family. They told him they were going on holiday for a visit, and never went back...which meant he always had a funny relationship with holidays, and would be rigidly in control of the itinerary whenever we went away. I think in case any of us decided we weren't coming back.
His mum went out to work and earn, and he was expected to keep the house tidy and cook the meals from the time he was 10 or 11, and that meant he was always quite methodical about all of that in our house growing up. He would never leave a job half done, even if that meant spending all weekend on it, or being up into the night. I think that was through memory of what it would be like if his mum got home and things weren't exactly right.
He was very much a habitual creature - same chair, same time with his newspaper, same cup of tea. Same weekend activities. And would get annoyed if forced to deviate too much.
His own breaking of the trauma was to not force any of that onto my brother and me...but the overall image wasn't a control freak (although the behaviour was probably the same), instead he was a leader at work, a problem solver, a nurturer.
The difficulty of perception and expectation.
Thanks for this comment, Arlen! I had a similar conversation with someone else after I sent it, and realised I didn't really fully cover the reality of male 'control freaks' but this all resonates true.
Interesting what you say about your dad and holidays, as my mam had a similar issue and it made holidays extremely stressful for all of us growing up. She was also moved about a lot as a childhood (through no fault of anyone's) and that definitely caused her to have a fear of instability.
Also, what is it about old men and their chairs?? They always have one and, god forbid, anyone else ever sits in it!
I aspire to have a chair. One day.