thanks for that honesty, and like all art, that of your life being such, honesty isn't always pretty to behold, for ourselves or others. BUT like all great art, its not about being pretty or easy on the senses. It reveals true things and asks hard questions, it holds up a mirror.
Thank you for taking that risk. Thank you for the art of 'your' life and your family............have courage, as you inspire 'our' courage to bravely be who we are, who we cannot help being and becoming.
I have some fav mohair socks that I wear nearly all night and day......as wash of course. They are like a cocoon for my diabetic feet. And they are blue.........as is my heart politically :-)
I’m sorry to hear you’re having a rough time at the moment. I completely relate to some of your sensory stuff and while you’re struggling it sounds like you’re doing all the right things to look after yourself right now. Sending all the love
As someone who also has sensory issues, I sympathise - especially as holidays I take don’t also go to plan either, but I won’t go into detail here (perhaps another time!)
There’s no place like home springs to mind too!
Nobody’s perfect, everyone has things they struggle with and sometimes just carrying on struggling through a bad situation is worse for you (and your physical/mental health) than just realising what’s best for you is quitting - in this case your holiday early and going home - your piece for the newsletter seemed to be very harsh on yourself for leaving to go back home before the holiday was over. You didn’t let anyone down by going home earlier than planned!
Nobody always knows the irrational reasons why we do something, but if you have the freedom and choice it’s (I’ve found from experience) best to have the assertiveness and self confidence to just make decisions (quickly) that are in your best interests to do so, even if at times upbringing and work culture can guilt us into thinking that taking care of ourselves (especially mental health) is selfish in some way. It’s the route to being able to cope and avoid burnout though.
You are absolutely right about home, I appreciate it more every day.
We were there with other family members, so it did feel like I let people down, but I know that I had to do it because otherwise I was no good to anybody.
Assertiveness and self-confidence are definitely the keys to looking after ourselves and putting our best interests first.
I'm lucky that (nearly) my entire working career from 14 to now (apart from 6 months as a part-time employee), I was self-employed (then from 2016-2022 basically working in a husband/wife team - both self-employed), so I had the freedom (and self-confidence - most of the time!) to do what felt right as I was my own line manager.
As I lived with my co-worker, and worked from home around 50% of the time (more so during the pandemic) work related matters had to be talked through, through discussion and compromise.
Looking back, the ability and self-confidence to just speak what was on my mind, not (I've seen a lot of employees go through this) have to keep my mouth shut for the sake of my career - was a great fit as a journalist standing up to politicians and holding them to account, and now both journalist (albeit classed as not fit to work on health grounds) and also an elected public office holder (governor) for a NHS Trust.
However, being a political animal and knowing how to get things changed/done - the bullying, harassment (sometimes just viewed as "management") - or "politics" - especially when targetted/directed to those with protected characteristics (such as disabled colleagues etc) is something I find very strange, and being disabled myself it's a cultural thing I (both on a conscious and subconscious level) try to change. Each generation has a different attitude towards the disabled though - in part formed through the prevailing social environment he/she/they grew up in and their lived experiences to date.
Maybe being on the autistic spectrum insulates me somewhat from the nonsense people sometimes talk as I'm not afraid to challenge/debate with people when they are wrong, misguided or behaving inappropriately.
Parenting skills are often useful when dealing with colleagues, that and boundaries!
Hope all is well for you Ellen (work and personal life) - I do still appreciate reading your email newsletter when it hits my inbox!
Oh, this is so raw and real, thanks for sharing. I have always been hsp though in recent years it escalated. Totally understand the sock thing. I can remember finding it hard travelling with my toddler with all the moving parts too. I think it’s so important to have self compassion and not compare, if possible. The world is not built for sensitive folk. Looking after yourself too IS looking after your toddler. 🧡
Thank you Kate, and for sharing on notes too! Travelling with a toddler is a whole other ballgame, there is so much to think about (timings for naps, food, stops, etc) and we have two dogs as well. We don't make thngs easy for ourselves, and yet I am still harsh on myself as it feels like "other people" are managing so much better than me, even though rationally I know that's probably not the case.
We went away this time last year up to newcastle actually, to meet friends, and with two toddlers in a car, which we then took on to Edinburgh it was quite a lot.
Like you say it’s the stress of it all preparing for and the fact that it may not even happen as we had chicken pox leading up to it as well. Honestly, if it weren’t for meeting friends I would have suggested turning back down the motorway not long after Peterborough, which incidentally is the first time our son vomited from what we thought was car sickness in a hot car.
Two toddlers! Even just Edinburgh from here in Newcastle is quite a hike with kids in the car. You can't predict what will happen with kids, they are always getting sick and you always question if you are making the right decision by taking them places (or taking them home!)
I felt bad for bringing her home early, as she was having a good time, but really she's not even 2 and has no idea what's going on so I know deepdown it was the right call.
I’m exactly like this. I have constant guilt that I let people down all the time and that I’m not accommodating enough. Also, I hate going away and going on holiday and if I do, I prefer to go alone, and this is simply because I don’t have to worry that I’m annoying someone or not doing what they want. If I’m anxious or freak out at any point - it’s on me, and I don’t have to worry about anyone else. The best times I’ve had have been alone.
I love doing things myself for this exact reason. There are no expectations on me and I can do everything at my own pace. The feeling of knowing you aren't annoying anyone is so true.
thanks for that honesty, and like all art, that of your life being such, honesty isn't always pretty to behold, for ourselves or others. BUT like all great art, its not about being pretty or easy on the senses. It reveals true things and asks hard questions, it holds up a mirror.
Thank you for taking that risk. Thank you for the art of 'your' life and your family............have courage, as you inspire 'our' courage to bravely be who we are, who we cannot help being and becoming.
I have some fav mohair socks that I wear nearly all night and day......as wash of course. They are like a cocoon for my diabetic feet. And they are blue.........as is my heart politically :-)
Thanks so much!! I need to check out those socks.....
Thanks for the shout out Ellen!
I’m sorry to hear you’re having a rough time at the moment. I completely relate to some of your sensory stuff and while you’re struggling it sounds like you’re doing all the right things to look after yourself right now. Sending all the love
Of course, Nicola - always love reading everything you write!
Thanks for the affirmation, makes me feel better knowing I'm not alone.
Hi Ellen,
As someone who also has sensory issues, I sympathise - especially as holidays I take don’t also go to plan either, but I won’t go into detail here (perhaps another time!)
There’s no place like home springs to mind too!
Nobody’s perfect, everyone has things they struggle with and sometimes just carrying on struggling through a bad situation is worse for you (and your physical/mental health) than just realising what’s best for you is quitting - in this case your holiday early and going home - your piece for the newsletter seemed to be very harsh on yourself for leaving to go back home before the holiday was over. You didn’t let anyone down by going home earlier than planned!
Nobody always knows the irrational reasons why we do something, but if you have the freedom and choice it’s (I’ve found from experience) best to have the assertiveness and self confidence to just make decisions (quickly) that are in your best interests to do so, even if at times upbringing and work culture can guilt us into thinking that taking care of ourselves (especially mental health) is selfish in some way. It’s the route to being able to cope and avoid burnout though.
Hi John, really appreciate your reply!
You are absolutely right about home, I appreciate it more every day.
We were there with other family members, so it did feel like I let people down, but I know that I had to do it because otherwise I was no good to anybody.
Assertiveness and self-confidence are definitely the keys to looking after ourselves and putting our best interests first.
Hi Ellen,
Yes, you're right.
I'm lucky that (nearly) my entire working career from 14 to now (apart from 6 months as a part-time employee), I was self-employed (then from 2016-2022 basically working in a husband/wife team - both self-employed), so I had the freedom (and self-confidence - most of the time!) to do what felt right as I was my own line manager.
As I lived with my co-worker, and worked from home around 50% of the time (more so during the pandemic) work related matters had to be talked through, through discussion and compromise.
Looking back, the ability and self-confidence to just speak what was on my mind, not (I've seen a lot of employees go through this) have to keep my mouth shut for the sake of my career - was a great fit as a journalist standing up to politicians and holding them to account, and now both journalist (albeit classed as not fit to work on health grounds) and also an elected public office holder (governor) for a NHS Trust.
However, being a political animal and knowing how to get things changed/done - the bullying, harassment (sometimes just viewed as "management") - or "politics" - especially when targetted/directed to those with protected characteristics (such as disabled colleagues etc) is something I find very strange, and being disabled myself it's a cultural thing I (both on a conscious and subconscious level) try to change. Each generation has a different attitude towards the disabled though - in part formed through the prevailing social environment he/she/they grew up in and their lived experiences to date.
Maybe being on the autistic spectrum insulates me somewhat from the nonsense people sometimes talk as I'm not afraid to challenge/debate with people when they are wrong, misguided or behaving inappropriately.
Parenting skills are often useful when dealing with colleagues, that and boundaries!
Hope all is well for you Ellen (work and personal life) - I do still appreciate reading your email newsletter when it hits my inbox!
Oh, this is so raw and real, thanks for sharing. I have always been hsp though in recent years it escalated. Totally understand the sock thing. I can remember finding it hard travelling with my toddler with all the moving parts too. I think it’s so important to have self compassion and not compare, if possible. The world is not built for sensitive folk. Looking after yourself too IS looking after your toddler. 🧡
Thank you Kate, and for sharing on notes too! Travelling with a toddler is a whole other ballgame, there is so much to think about (timings for naps, food, stops, etc) and we have two dogs as well. We don't make thngs easy for ourselves, and yet I am still harsh on myself as it feels like "other people" are managing so much better than me, even though rationally I know that's probably not the case.
We went away this time last year up to newcastle actually, to meet friends, and with two toddlers in a car, which we then took on to Edinburgh it was quite a lot.
Like you say it’s the stress of it all preparing for and the fact that it may not even happen as we had chicken pox leading up to it as well. Honestly, if it weren’t for meeting friends I would have suggested turning back down the motorway not long after Peterborough, which incidentally is the first time our son vomited from what we thought was car sickness in a hot car.
it was not car sickness.
Good for you for putting yourself first.
Two toddlers! Even just Edinburgh from here in Newcastle is quite a hike with kids in the car. You can't predict what will happen with kids, they are always getting sick and you always question if you are making the right decision by taking them places (or taking them home!)
I felt bad for bringing her home early, as she was having a good time, but really she's not even 2 and has no idea what's going on so I know deepdown it was the right call.
Definitely. It’s like leaving the soft play or something when they are having a good time, it’s got to be done sometimes!
I’m exactly like this. I have constant guilt that I let people down all the time and that I’m not accommodating enough. Also, I hate going away and going on holiday and if I do, I prefer to go alone, and this is simply because I don’t have to worry that I’m annoying someone or not doing what they want. If I’m anxious or freak out at any point - it’s on me, and I don’t have to worry about anyone else. The best times I’ve had have been alone.
But I do like people and love my family - just for reassurance, I’m not a complete grump 😂
I love doing things myself for this exact reason. There are no expectations on me and I can do everything at my own pace. The feeling of knowing you aren't annoying anyone is so true.