Weathering the January storm

And putting toxic positivity to bed, once and for all.

Jan 11, 2024

In December, when I saw my very first “Get fit in 2024!” Instagram advert, I knew I wanted to get ahead of the game.

The idea of “treat yourself!” was backed up with “that’s January’s problem” as brands encouraged us to eat delicious food, spend money we didn’t have and let any other worries fall by the wayside throughout the festive season.

As expected, January arrived like a bulldozer with packed gyms, Slimming World ads, Self-Assessment bills, terrible weather and a general sense of impending doom.

It’s worth remembering that companies don’t benefit from contentment. If we are happy with who we are, and have everything we need, then how will they sell us anything? And it’s at this time of year, in particular, that brands use shame as a motivator to get customers to bite the bullet and buy more.

I’m no Mystic Meg. This was bound to happen because it does Every. Single Year.

So, in December, I asked people on Instagram to share things they intend to keep the same about themselves in 2024. Before I share the responses, I want to explain why I worded it in this way and didn’t, instead, ask people for “things they love about themselves.”

There’s a thin line between optimism and toxic positivity. New year is one of the worst times of year for toxic positivity, as it can often feel like everyone else is absolutely smashing it, and you are still sitting on the sofa eating Christmas chocolate.

My aversion to toxic positivity dates back years, probably to my first in-house role where I was paid £14,000 a year but also was allowed to play pool whenever I wanted. You know, the sort of workplace, I mean. In fact, I know a couple of you reading this worked there, too.

In that role, it felt like you could never have a bad day. I was once pulled aside, in fact, for asking about figures in a team meeting - “We’re here to support each other, not question!” All I wanted to know was why this information was important and what it meant for us as a company.

The same role was awash with toxic diet culture, ‘pizza parties’ and just a general sense of being ‘the cool place to work’.

In the year or so I worked there, my own mental health struggles had got much, much worse. I was worried about money, as we could barely afford to pay rent and eat. I was suffering from panic attacks (I wrote about this a few years ago), and I never felt as though I could talk to my management team, as basically any negativity made me look like Debby Downer.

In real life, not everything can be positive. It doesn’t matter how many inspirational quotes you share or self-help podcasts you listen to… sometimes, you’re going to feel like shit.

On the topic of self-help, I’ve been reading

Emma Gannon

‘s The Success Myth this week, and she makes a fantastic point about this genre of literature: if self-help books really worked, why would we have to read so many of them to help ourselves?

I think

Nia

from

Not Controversial

puts this much better than I ever could in her piece about toxic positivity from last year:

The solution isn’t to be pessimistic and cynical all the time, completely undoing any positive or optimistic impact. It’s to give space to those emotions and understand they’re part and parcel of being a human living in this chaotic world.

I’ve come a long way since that junior role, but I still see the same recurring themes popping up time and time again. Social media, in particular, is notorious for this, as it puts everyone else’s highlight reels into the palm of our hands.

And, while shame will never motivate us to make lasting change, neither will a sense of “cheer up, it might never happen” - because sometimes it really does happen, and then we are not equipped to weather those storms if we only value positivity and nothing else.

Learning to like ourselves

So, that’s why I am shifting the conversations away from positivity and towards neutrality and acceptance. What’s something you are taking into 2024?

With that in mind, here are some things my Instagram followers are keeping the same in 2024:

“My inability to ‘hustle’ - I’m totally cool with it!”
“How supportive I am of others while being boundaried and keeping myself safe".”
“My eagerness to speak in public.”
“Being single. It’s not for everyone, but it is for me.”
“I value the lateral perspectives I bring to my day-to-day by finding positives in challenging situations.”
“I will continue to find new ways to have fun.”
“I want to continue improving my strength and fitness, and being there for people who need me.”
“No dating. Going on solo trips. Sobriety. Maintaining daily rhythms.”
“Keep trying to bring happiness to people and myself. Kind gestures.”
“My little coffee treat!”
“I’m going to continue being a badass.”
“My determination. I’ve proven to myself, this year, how capable I am.”
“I’m finding sustainable ways of keeping active, and I like how much I read.”
“That I don’t hustle at the expense of my relationships.”
“I make delicious food!”

So, while sometimes I worry I am rambling on, and no one really understands what that crazy Ellen lass is on about, it’s clear from these comments that people get it.

It’s in body neutrality, little treats, slow living, quiet appreciation, nesting and other gentle activities where we can create places to protect ourselves from the shame-driven world out there.

Weathering the January storm

And putting toxic positivity to bed, once and for all.

Learning to like ourselves

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