I went to a gig alone
And it was actually amazing
Let me set the scene.
It’s 2005. I’m in high school, but I don’t really care about my studies because all that matters is music and film.
I spend my time outside of school at the family computer, downloading my favourite songs from Limewire onto my Creative Zen MP3 player, writing melancholic monologues on Live Journal, trapping the social worker in a room with no doors on The Sims, coding my own website using only HTML and pining over River Phoenix.
I listened to a lot of bands back then, and Interpol was a defining sound of my teenage years. In fact, they came to Newcastle back in 2007 - but their gig was rescheduled to the same day as Kings of Leon, so I went with my friends and chose the latter.
Not getting to see Interpol live was one of my big regrets, so you can imagine my excitement when I saw they were returning to Newcastle to celebrate 20 years of their album Antics. I bought a ticket, not knowing anyone to go with, and decided I’d face the nerves of going alone when the time came.
Well, that time was Tuesday night.
I don’t know why I was so nervous about this, as I do a lot of things alone. I even wrote a whole newsletter about enjoying being by myself, and why it’s so jarring to see people doing things alone. I guess, deep down, I am not impervious to worrying about what people think about me.
Upon entering the gig, I was already chuckling to myself when a student walked past and asked the bouncer: “who’s on tonight?” and he responded with: “I dunno, mate… some 20-year-old band.” It’s safe to say, I’ve never felt older.
Since I went to the venue pretty late (so as to avoid standing around), I wasn’t expecting to get particularly close. So, I was pleasantly surprised when I managed to squeeze into the second row after the support band left the stage. It was then that I realised I didn’t care if anybody noticed I was there alone - in fact, I saw quite a few other loners awaiting the NY lads.
When Interpol started, I was blown away by the nostalgia. I had an overwhelming sense of love for my teenage self. I listened to these albums in some of the darkest years of my life, living in a home of conflict, seeking refuge in my special interests, studying the CD booklets, and memorising the subtle tone changes in Paul Banks’ baritone drawl.
I had such a great time, and being alone didn’t hinder my experience in any way - in fact, it probably improved it, as I didn’t have to worry about anyone else, was able to stand where I wanted, and enjoyed the show with zero distractions. I’ll definitely be doing this again.
I’d love to know if you’ve been to a gig alone, or what other solo adventures you’ve been on and enjoyed. Let me know in the comments.
It’s absolutely necessary to touch as much grass as possible right now. The world is on fire. Go outside. Seek comfort in little treats. Listen to your favorite song. Do anything you can to find a small joy today.
Also, this is the 200th edition of this newsletter! So that’s worth celebrating… right?
Other things I’ve also enjoyed this week:
📽️The Innocents (Prime) - What an objectively great, but tonally horrible film. The most talented child actors I’ve ever seen?
📽️Oddity (Shudder) - Super scary Irish horror, perfect for spoopy season.
📚True Love by Paddy Crewe - North East author’s second novel about growing up in the region under Thatcher.
📚Unmasked by Ellie Middleton - Back to basics guide to neurodivergence.
See you next week,
Ellen x
💌 About this email
I’m Ellen, and I write about mental health for the chronically online. I am a freelance copywriter, strategist and web designer, and I work from home with my husband, Craig, at Content By The Sea. We have two rescue greyhounds, Potter and Harmony, and a toddler.
I started this newsletter in March 2020 and have sent over 200(!) emails; currently, I have over 1,200 subscribers. I write about a wide variety of topics, including diet culture, my love of running, jealousy, my life falling apart, mam guilt, and this dystopian world we all live in.
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I've started to going to gigs alone in the last year or so! I love it. I feel free and deliciously anonymous. The only thing that stops me from going to more is the journey home as I live quite far from most venues.
I'm a big fan of going to gigs alone, especially bigger ones where there's less chance of feeling like a wallflower between bands! One of my fave ever gigs was a solo jaunt (Samantha Craig and First Aid Kit). So glad you finally got to see them!