I'm no mumpreneur
Portmanteaus don't define me
Last year, I wrote about how your work doesn’t define who you are. Identity is a tricky subject. For so many of us, our identities are intrinsically linked to our culture, background, race, religion, work and even familial situation.
Since becoming a parent in July, I’ve experienced another big shift in “who I am” - and it’s no wonder women so easily lose their identities when they become mothers.
Inspired by this thought process, I posted on Linkedin recently about my hatred of the term “mumpreneur.” As mothers, so much of what we do is defined by our decision to have children. Why should being a mother also leak into our working lives? I’m a business owner and a mam; these are two significant parts of my identity that deserve their own recognition, and an ugly portmanteau like “mumpreneur” takes away from both sides.
Not to mention that you never hear a man referred to as a dadpreneur. Perhaps because a man’s decision to become a parent will never dilute his other achievements. If anything, a man’s choice to parent is met with judgement directed towards the mother. I bet many dads reading this have been asked if they are “babysitting today?” when it’s their turn to solo parent.
You can’t babysit your own children. It’s called parenting.
Guardian columnist Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett wrote this week about how loneliness is endemic among new mothers, as the world of mum groups and baby small talk can be very intimidating. When all you have in common with the dozen women in the room is that you birthed a child, it’s no wonder that these situations can be isolating.
Once you’ve compared your four-month-sleep-regressions and asked where they got their baby carrier, what more can you talk about? I suppose some people can talk about babies all day long, but I’m surely not alone in finding it all painfully boring.
I still enjoy all of my pre-parenting hobbies (although I have less time to do them now), and I am closer than ever to my non-mam friends. For the latter, I am extremely grateful, as I can see how becoming a mam can create a divide in previously inseparable friendships.
Like I said back in November, stricken with morning sickness and contemplating my own impending venture into motherhood: identity is transient. What we do to make money is not our identity, nor is it whether we have children or not.
Putting the onus on our identities to be one thing or another is setting ourselves up for failure. So, next time you feel like you have nothing in common with co-workers or your mind is drifting when another parent recounts their child’s toilet habits, remember you’re not alone.
You can be a business owner and still clock off at 4pm on a Friday.
You can be a parent and dislike parenting groups.
Any and all combinations are fine, as long as you feel like you are being true to yourself.
Have you had an identity change recently? Or are you learning that your identity is transient like me? Let me know over on Twitter @ContentByTheSea or reply to this email for a confidential chitchat.
📚 Arena of the Unwell by Liam Konnemann - A gritty first-person narrative exploring depression in the queer pockets of the early-2000s indie scene.
📽️ Bodies Bodies Bodies - Hilariously self-aware teenager slasher flick. Perfect for the spooky season.
📺 House of the Dragon - No introduction needed.
📺 Gangs of London - Gripping crime drama - ridiculously violent but owns it?
That’s all from me this week, see you next Wednesday morning (maybe) for more musings about mental health and work culture in the online world.
Ellen x
Enjoyed this? You might like these past issues:
14 September: R-E-S-P-E-C-T: Finding out what it means to me
31st August: Giving up the balancing act
24th August: The longer I wait, the harder it gets
29th June: Coping with all of *this*
22nd June: Did you jump or were you pushed?
8th June: Why hitting pause is terrifying
1st June: I’m angry
25th May: To err is to human, but when to -er?
18th May: Can you ever be too prepared?
"Not to mention that you never hear a man referred to as a dadpreneur. Perhaps because a man’s decision to become a parent will never dilute his other achievements." — this line struck me strongly. You're absolutely right, women's identities and achievements are so often diluted by motherhood (whether they want it or not).