Maybe it’s because I purged a lot of unhelpful content on social media, but I am seeing a lot less “new year, new me” rhetoric this year - and that’s a good thing!
However, the algorithm, particularly on Instagram, is still hitting me with the usual weight loss stuff left, right and centre (PSA: you can reduce the number of weight loss ads you see.) As a new mam, this is the last thing I want to see.
I already struggle with body confidence, and pairing this with a loss of identity in new motherhood has made the last year or so quite a tricky one for me. Previously, I defined myself by my work, interests and relationships… I could be one or multiple things, depending on how I felt on the day. But now I am a mother, it’s easy to let that become my whole world.
Call me naïve but I didn't realise when I became a mother that I would have to fight to retain recognition as a fully-fledged human. From battling my way through doors with a pushchair (and people rarely offering to help) to finding myself asking: “is it okay if I have a shower?” - the shift in simply losing some of my own autonomy has been immense.
I am very fortunate in that I work for myself, so I am not subjected to the cut-throat world of corporate work that pushes women in their 30s and 40s out of their careers simply for choosing to start a family. However, this is very much an unavoidable reality for a whole swathe of the workforce (more on that in the Gender Pay Gap edition of Arlen Pettitt’s newsletter,
.)January is a time when many people set goals and targets. Some even go as far as to make vague and typically unachievable statements like “new year, new me” - obviously, that's never been my style, although I am partial to a reading goal (follow me on Goodreads, I'm going for 67 books in 2023!)
Approaching 2023 with my new and somewhat nebulous identity is strange. I've been pretty confident in who I am for many years and I don't let outside pressures change this. But this time it's different. I’m not really sure who I really am anymore.
Parenting alongside running a business is hard, but what's even harder is the battle of the self: finding time to simply be me. Not a wife, a mother, a freelancer or anything else that relates to how other people perceive me. Just me.
Have you experienced a significant shift in your identity recently? Or are you looking to 2023 as another year of being your awesome self? Let's chat over on Twitter @ContentByTheSea or reply to this email for a confidential chinwag.
Things I’ve enjoyed lately
📺 I Hate Suzie Too - Billie Piper and Lucy Prebble's anxiety-inducing TV project returns to Sky and NowTV for another series and it's just as frantic and stressful as ever.
📚 The Winners by Frederik Backman (Beartown #3) - The third and final instalment in the Beartown saga hit the shelves late last year and I finally finished this 700-page whopper. I am not okay.
📚 Trespasses by Louise Kennedy - A story of power struggles and forbidden love set in Northern Ireland at the peak of The Troubles.
That's all from me this week, hopefully I'll be back next Wednesday with more on mental health, working life and internet culture.
Ellen x
If you liked this, you might also like:
16 November: When life gives you poop
9 November: The last pasta sauce
26 October: I’m no mumpreneur
14 September: R-E-S-P-E-C-T: Finding out what it means to me
31st August: Giving up the balancing act
24th August: The longer I wait, the harder it gets
29th June: Coping with all of *this*
22nd June: Did you jump or were you pushed?
Thanks for writing this, Ellen. More people need to talk about how quickly and easily motherhood can become a huge part (if not all) of one's identity — and society seems to be totally okay with it (often demonizing women who don't wanna associate with that 100%). Great issue. 👏🏽
Also, glad to know you're not okay after Beartown. That's pushed it up on my tbr (if a book made you feel so much, it's gotta be a great read, eh?).